New powers to control lap-dancing clubs are being given to councils in England and Wales, the Home Office has said.
Current licensing laws put clubs in the same category as pubs and cafes and councils can object only on the grounds of crime, nuisance or public safety.
From April, clubs will be classed as sex establishments and residents will be able to oppose venues for being "inappropriate" to the area.
So I think we can guess what that means. While Tarquil and Jocasta Bourgie will be spared the sight of ladies' bosoms on posters advertising Peppermint Brastrap as Mummy steers the Range Rover towards St Custard's, the same consideration won't be extended to Spud and Geeta Prole, who already have to navigate used blobs and discarded needles on their way to Bogbreath Comp.
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